Cannot

 Why does it have to be you?

When I am the result of all my darkness, why does it have to shadow you?

I swear I didn't take your hand for that, even when I was dying from the blue

I swear I didn't mean it and you know it too.

But why does it have to be you?

Why do my hands itch to destroy the thing that's been holding me too

Cut that string and leave everything in the dark

Why is my self willing to destroy the thing I love. 

When you look into my eyes, I swear there's nothing more beautiful than it

Is my inner self so gone to recognize what's love all before it

How can I stare back at those eyes and decide to take my gaze off because I cannot handle the latter

The part which reminds me that my wretched self can ever be loved by another.

All the barren parts of me, you awaken up for the summer

But it's been so long since I've felt anything other than the cold of winter

Anything other than a shoulder my hands beg to hold but my mind chooses to differ

How can I say these words to you, I am tearing up from my cover

I didn't mean it I know but who's gonna prove the other.

Why does it have to be you-I question myself again and again

One thing I gain I crumple to loose it all again

My brain cannot handle the ironic pain of being loved in sanity

You must be insane to choose someone like me in this reality

As I swear I am so far gone, I am thankful for the people who don't get someone like me

Spiralling down a hundred stairs every hour in between

Not an overthought instance or some fairytale plot

Just my barren self and only my self destroying everything I got.

I guess with the lot of things I have forgotten completely

One of it is how someone has ever loved me before

The covert I was under since birth is now open to all

And I've no idea who to let in and whom to beware of

Because it's all the same to me

Your presence and your absence

It's been the same for me

But guess it's getting different for you

And my trauma will be the result of my doom.

I cannot imagine a love like yours

Maybe this is all the part where I spiral down the lot

I cannot imagine to live again, to smile for more years and feel happy for the plot

I am sorry you had to choose me, all the fate which re-joined our broken parts

Because I swear I cannot imagine to hurt you

With my untamed self to leash someone like you

To my thought processes and how to cage me

I am sorry you had to choose me. 

But I'll keep it down my memory

I'll make sure to never repeat it again

Above all I cannot afford to loose you

Down the drain all my pain

Because it's only you I imagine again

I may be at war with myself but I could die to feel you again

I can repeat it a thousand times because I don't know how to console 

That's the only way I say else it's gone forever

A thousand times over but I cannot afford to loose you

My string attached to yours, I cannot bear to loose you.