for you to answer me

 I walked up to the door

A rusty, rotten smell still lingering
I kept my stance and knocked upon the door
I waited in the darkness for you to answer me.

Sat down on the cold floor
Shivering, snowflakes falling down
Outside the window I see broken stars
They still shine and reach me
I wish upon the dying stars to teach me
How to live or die to be there
How to stay long in this space
For you to answer my prayer.

Crouched close to my scars
I can hear my beating heart
Its silent all around, I'm all I hear
How defeaning is this silence
How awakening is my fear
A single sound I hear once
You wake me up by knocking twice.

I scurried up to the wood
I clutched it with my fingers
Pressing my face upon the bark
I tried to hear you whisper
I waited and held my breath
Your steps kept me awake
You circled the room and stopped again
You didn't knock again,
You didn't knock again.

I slept by the door
Frozen in the wind
Short of breath, short of some living
I haven't the seen the light in ages
I haven't seen it flickering
There's a constant sunset
And a lingering maze.

My eyes shut close,
Too devoid of energy to see you again
But when the wood thumped softly once
My eyes flew open and I winced a second at the dust
This time I knocked back
I called out your name
In the buried voices, I called out your name.

When I couldn't hear you back
I clutched it with my nails
I scratched upon the torn stencil
With a marred broken call
I'm withering, I'm crying, I'm dying in this
Without a second thought
I started banging on your door
I punched and ripped and clawed upon the rest
I screamed, I cried and it shrilled among the crest
I shouted, I shouted, I shouted for you to hear
One, two thuds and you were gone from fear.

I cried, I sank and I drowned in these voices
In this silence devoid of your presence
Windows now shattered, the sun is not shining
My eyes blind and I'm finally sleepy
I'm dreaming and trying to remember what it was
When willow and crawling ivy knocked upon my door
With flows and green and mosses grew upon the knob
I'm finally dreaming a dream of my own.

For you to answer me
I waited upon your shore
For you to answer me
I stood behind the door
For you to answer me
I looked out the window
For you to answer me
I felt no anger
I felt no anger. 

- "for u to answer me, I felt no anger, I felt no anger" But I thought it said like you hurt me so much I'm numb to all of it now. I can't even cry now born from anger of you not answering me, because I'm so numb, I'm so broken that no part of my pieces feels anything anymore.