Cats and dogs on my mind

 Sophie and I enter the bakery shop together filled with different types of bread and my nose is instantly inflated for the intoxicating smell.

I was sucked in by the grappling view of baked breads and perfect pastries that when Sophie nudged me out of my trance, I gave s scornful look towards her. "What?" I ask irritated.

"Do you want to eat or just see with your big blue eyes?" Her words ring a bell and I'm suddenly shifted towards the fulfilling excitement of choosing what I want!

"Lets eat these. The green ones. I want to go for a refreshing side today, something like mint chocolate you know?" I point at the croissants laid on the tabletop. Sophie takes an closer look and dots out something. "But they've sprinkles of others too, which one would you like?" And that's when I notice the coconut sprinkles with rainbow ones hidden on the croissant's curves.

"Ugh..not coconut." I make a disgusted face.

"Then choose something carefully." She chuckles. "I'll have the brown bread instead buttered with honey and some lemon tea too." She says finalizing her order for me to acknowledge.

I prop my head on my chin and take a full 6 minute detour of the croissants with my eyes before one finally gets me by my taste. "Sophie, i'll-", and just when I was about to tell the order to my friend, the bakery announces that its going to close right now due to weather alert. A strong wind alert. Oh, to live in Japan with everyday battles with the nature.

I feel disappointed in myself for not being to able to choose quickly and doing this and that with my brain instead of putting my finger on one blind eyed and let fate choose for me. But guess croissants aren't in my list of gratitude today. Sophie gives me a consoling smile as she takes her packed order and we leave for our house. We're having a sleep over for 3 days, this is the second.

"Its ok Hana, you just took too long to order. Remember to be a little quicker next time." Her voice reassuring as it fades into the bite of her bread. My stomach feels numb. I look away to the many flowers lining our path to our home. Glad that people keep street clean enough for so many shrubs and flora to flourish. Subtly, I pluck one and examine it with nothing else to do.

There is a fractal pattern for its color and petals with changing red and white, and im immersed in the beauty like I'm intrigued by the meaning of my mere existence everyday. Why do I lack at so many things? Why does it always feel like a burden to choose something for myself? When will I learn to take decisions that will feel real to me?


So many questions but just no answe. No one to talk. No one to express. My friendship with Sophie is like a feeling of being home, no doubt, but because of my introvert-seclusive-aloof nature, I tend on telling no one how I feel and end up getting angry when no one gets me or what I might be going through. I know it's a crime, a spiral from where I might never be able to get out. But sometimes it feels like I'm the only who can get me so I shut down. And I remain shut downed.

We reach home and just few minutes after we got cozy, strong winds bashed our windows and doors. But we settled in the hot table as I had our left over breakfast and Sophie her bread, I don't like the kind of personal bread Sophie ordered. Hence I didn't ask for a bite.

I don't know where all this will take me but now that I'm home and in my warm blanket, thoughts of being completely useless and eccentric, don't cross my mind enough to send my throat to a sarcastic oblivion where only jokes and humor let's me survive and battle in the real world. I feel at peace somehow even when life doesn't has much to offer me or my messed up personality. It's okay to be calm sometimes and let it all go.

What is meant to stay will stay what is meant to leave will leave.

And that's all I think before going to sleep and waking up to Sophie's screams- "HANA DID YOU NOT CLIP THE CLOTHES? OUR STAR WARS SOCKS ARE TAKEN BY THE WIND!