CODLM ICBTEB

"Come on don't leave me, it can't be that easy babe.. If you believe me I guess I'll get on a plane, fly to your city excited to see your face... Hold me, console me, and then I'll leave without a trace.. "

Her voice reaches me from the other room and it feels like she's right beside me. I am holding my work papers but her voice flooding this room is all I can concentrate upon. Seya does this at times when she wants my attention or when she wants me to go to sleep, it's getting late. She cares about my health more than I do.

Seya's voice is just like waking up late night just to lay down and stare at the stars and just dwell in this amazingly deep and infinite feeling that blooms inside our chest when we notice the depth of the universe, it's beauty and it's creation. Like Seya laying beside me and telling me the different constellations and about the enumerous facts about stars I don't give two shits about, but just her melody holding onto my ears as if she might be kissing me right now with her voice and anyway I'll simply forget who I am.

But I still choose to focus on my work. I'll make it up to her after finishing off. Because this case needs my soul involved. I don't have words to describe the feeling if I am grateful to have this in my hands or just stressed for the coming months because it has nearly no clues to reach even one conclusion.

I stare at the documentary for whole 15 minutes before breathing out "fuck it". Closing the files spread out like a Spider web on the desk, I turn off the lights and enter our room. Seya is still playing the piano probably upset with me for not looking up when I enter. But excited the same when I lock the door.

"Why are you locking the-" I walk over to her and as I tower over her seated on the piano stool, she stops and sighs. She looks away and was about to play some stupid melody without her voice again when I close my palm over hers and hunch over her figure as she tries to press the keys.

"Stop it Jack, I don't want to talk to you right now." She sulks and makes a pouty face, her signature face when she's upset. Sometimes I wonder how I met someone like her. So innocent, so pure, her expressions even reflecting out who she is beneath this body, her true self. It's hard to find someone like that, a person who'll put out their true face in front of you and they trust that you'll not hurt them. Choices are such terrible demons, people forget that a lot of times. If you're opening up to me, I have the choice to do whatever I want to do with you. And you'll be the one who feels guilty because it was your fault you left the door open. Maybe that's how love is so controversial.

"Let's go to sleep. You're upset about only that right? I know just from the way you chose to play only the tune. You know your voice will always pull me in." And I plant a kiss on her fair cheek. She immediately loses her poker face and melts in my arms.

"You know me so well Jack." And she gets up off the stool and hugs me. I wrap her around myself tight, afraid to lose something so precious to my heart, my mirror.

"What's this song called?" I ask while we sway lovingly in our position. Her arms locked in mine and it feels like it's suddenly autumn in this month of cold chilling winter because the time is passing by softly and her silhouette is all i can feel while the autumn leaves shed around us, swirling in the wind, a metaphorical dance of time passing beautifully while she is beside me.

"No one noticed." She says, her voice like a whisper in the wind and when i look down at her face, she looks up at me and there is just something, something in her eyes which i can't decipher all of a sudden like my arms are holding something i am not supposed to because it's not true or am i reveling and spiraling in a fantasy that doesn't even exists. Her eyes are navy blue and there's a black storm in the center of her eyes, i see it coming at me and suddenly through one tick of the time, it plunges me down to it's ethereal depth where only sorrow doesn't chokes without oxygen and it lives on and forever in these hidden caves of despair where no one can find it. No one but me who dares to find her in every single universe, in every single circumstance.

"Do you remember Jack? The time we first met?" She asks, her eyes still boring into mine as if she is witnessing the same storm, now latched onto my iris. 

"Of course darling. How can I forget?" My tone is soft and deep and it's disappearing quickly in the atmosphere of this room which is getting quieter and quieter. "How did we come to this? Up or down. You in my arms and the world left behind these windows just like the storm staying at bay outside, it can't touch us." I smile at her fair innocent face, her eyes just distant from me. So far where my arms cannot reach and my mind cannot comprehend the type of place.

"I know Jack. I know." She buries her face in my chest and hugs me tighter. As if i'll fade into thin air if she won't hold firm. 

I know, i know. I know i wasn't supposed to dwell in my dreams and my temptations and feel to myself that it's gonna be okay when it wasn't. I shouldn't have done so that i'll go on to make a case about someone my own. That the case comes back full circle and shows me it's ugly face, shows me that no matter what i am the one who was at fault for falling to my malicious intentions.

That i killed her and i killed her a hundred times before she came back to haunt me with her stormy eyes. To tell me that i was wrong and to tell me that she loved me all along and i failed to see it in her eyes which have only depths of despair left for a love never returned. She opened up to me and all i did was bite her with all my might.

I buried her that night but she's still in my arms. Singing the song i sang to her when i put her to eternal sleep.