the strange connection

 I notice how you look at me when i am not looking your way,

I feel your ghosting gaze on my hairs as I pick up my pencil to clay,
I stare outside the window but you stare at my back the whole day,
I wonder if you've ever been loved, you like me, the same way.

I bend down to tie my laces and you look down to notice yours,
I hold my books close to my chest and you hold yours close to your heart,
I see the worry in your eyes sometimes, sometimes I wonder if i can ever hold it all,
I try to compete, try to learn about it, but all I see is that black void in your arms.

I tilt my head to your side in a thinking thought when you pop in my mind with your laser gaze from the corner,
I look away quickly to not give way to your dreamland, but everytime i do i can feel the hurt in your eyes.

I smiled and blushed hard when the talks of love surrounded the atmosphere,
barging on its surface constantly and now entering the fragile teenage despair,
I blinked an eye towards you and you quickly noticed my chance,
You shifted uncomfortably and I wonder if i made you feel at unease, I'm sorry.

I know my eyes are dreamy, my face something as my mom says completes me,
I thought of the orange flowers as I sought to write a poem about you,
But as i held the pen in my fingers, they trembled out of the blue.

I wonder if you write about me as passionately as I want to about you,
I wish I could read it all but I dont even know if it's true.
Some girl once said to me the things you could say to me too,
The future, who knows, is something I don't know if i would want with you.

You are weird, absolutely horrible for believing to have a stature of a girl,
You're not tall, not good enough, not even healthy to say, to be true,
I don't want you and i hope the same from you,
But still you asked me today a question out of the blue,
And I answered the same lie I did before, before you,
I lied and lied and lied, until I knew that it wasn't you I was lying to,
It was the strange connection between your heart and my mind,
That I was denying to,
That I was lying to.

(2 may 24)