Icy wisteria (icy longing)

 As I sat at the wooden park bench, near a cluster of wisteria tree which blossomed like heaven on earth this spring, i let out the long sigh building up inside of me at the growing thought that this day shouldn't go to waste now. I am myself 15 minutes late and i expected my friend, Ikame, to be here already so that we can visit the amusement park and ride it all before the all time hurriedly approaching dusk. 

I looked around me if i was mistaken and that she is somewhere near, but i see no signs. I understand this bench is deep pitted in this wide park lane, that it can take a lot time to walk up to here, so reason out to let myself wait a longer. I pull out my phone and press the call button beside the last call on my log, at yesterday night confirming our trip.

She isn't picking up. 

I try a few more times before hanging up 2 seconds at the ring on the last try. My mind doesn't lets me to be satisfied with everything now. I want reality or truth or whatever underlying fate to tell me why she isn't picking up. I don't overthink now. Few more 10 minutes' and i am out onto cutting ties. 

I haven't been out in a long while. Last which i can remember was visiting an animal cafe near my work place which was 15 weeks ago according to my e-diary i keep updating now and then. I remember the feeling of being exhausted from work and heading to the place while on a 15 minute lunch break. I skipped lunch, deciding to fill it with happy smiles of the dogs. 

I think i expect a lot from people sometimes. That they will give it up for me, a person like me who doesn't gives two shits about someone else's misery, happiness or achievements, and only has heads up for their own. I have tried to change myself a lot of times but it's a waste to become someone who you are not. That is why i realize at times like these that nobody wants to spend their time, which could be wasted on eating a doughnut at a bakery or sipping drinks in a bar or even goofing near a high land, than spend it on me, a person-like-me. 

I notice that it was already an hour gone, sitting here quietly scrolling on my media. I know she is not going to come now. I stand up, taking a last glance at the wisteria who stayed with me to pass the time, block Ikame's number and walk back home. 

I bought a Belgian chocolate walking back though; don't wanna waste a day, right?