Temptations

 Temptations. I have only heard an album of the name though by a boy band named ‘Tomorrow by Together’ in 2023 or some when. I don’t want to give in to temptation now. But it is making me do things I didn’t know I could ever do. Like stalking, preying, staring, learning their effects, etc. Temptation is a really overpowering thing existing on the other side of the veil of this world. Not the death and the living, but the real and the fiction.

I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but it, this temptation, is making me do these things, as I said before, and kind of will say again to rationalize in my head to myself to not get hurt or back to the dark world I call as depression.

See to me as I try to prove this temptation. He is getting out the school gate right now, let’s see what we can do to chase but not attract attention. I start looking down on my phone, thinking to DM Finn Wolfhard how much I like him and how badly I want to escape this trace of this school boy from my life, but, obviously, I put the phone down in my basket as I saw him pass, his hair flowing through the air like spaghetti in a very diluted soup.

I push the pedal and slowly strive after him. He lives just like a stone throw from school, so near I sometimes imagine catching him clothed in a black casual tee on his balcony on his day off from the school as I pass through his lane.

He stops in front of his building’s parking lot, which is open to the road and looking down the incline of it looks like feeling a temptation to roll down this darkness.

I had vision of planning an incoming to this when during late evening, I purposely throw my spectacle case in here and try to find it through the light of my phone and find his checked shoes in the light suddenly. I let out a quick deep breath and turn around before facing this person whom I probably had identified as him. I tell him what I did acting innocent but wild from inside and he’ll help me get back to it or will either push his way through mine and go out buying something from nearby market or do whatever he came out for.

But it is daylight out here and I know nothing is going to happen like this where I get frightened or something. I pull around at the entry of another short lane and see him go inside the tunnel. I don’t know if I should wait or say something, he won’t be coming out for sure though. But still to kill some time, I go to buy something from a nearby shop.

“Do you have bubblegums?”

“Yeah. How many?”

“5” I said and started rummaging through my pocket.”

Shop keeper left the 5 bubblegums on top of a toffee container and stopped for a glance at me and my uniform. I looked in his wandering eyes and kept the coins on the toffee cap picking up the gums. As I was about to leave he abruptly spoke, “Are you from Sacred High School?”

“Yes”. “Do you know Stephen?” he asked with a blank face at first which changed to fury as soon as I agreed that I knew him.

“Please tell him his money for each bubblegum since 50 days he’s been buying, one every day, from me should be returned to me soon enough. God, it has been so damn long. He is such a freaking boy. Tell him that I have strictly warned him for the repay of the bought. Please, just tell him, don’t forget I must kindly say.”

I was shocked at such a deeply held request from heart as I saw him explain the leaking money from his business by throwing hands in the air. I assured him that I will surely tell him to do so as soon as possible.

But I was soon open to another negative trait of him that I should be following more than his pretty face, voice and his fake kind gesture to everyone.

I started walking to my cycle after this when I should be accepting the fact to not stalk him now. This is so bad, this thing that I did just now. Stalked him right from school to his home which is near enough but I had the wrong intention in every body’s eyes for now.

I pull open the lock and set the pedal to drive home now that it is already 15 minutes late. But I can’t decipher it in my head about why I decided to wait outside his apartment till now. Why I decided to wait like he is going to come out now or then, like he will look at me and say hi to my presence, like he will ask how I have been lately or offer for a group study somewhere, if needed. If he’ll ask ever how I learnt to play so many instruments, or if I have been to the auditions of few singing shows. Or he will say that he has to leave for somewhere and will talk to me later, and we’ll wave at each other like we are doing this waving thing for the first time. It all gets messier in my head as I try to think about it more. These feelings don’t exist in the real world but I guess do only in my mind, just to make me realize it has been not long since I touched the glow of love or obsession or say temptation.

I hate it right there to say and continue to return home. But as I looked up for the last glance of his apartment glowing vacant in the sunshine, I see him standing right at his apartment balcony looking right down on my bicycle and now on me.