The Reunion

Here's the genre I lied writing about.

Today's the day.

I am obviously dressed like cliffhanger for everyone present over here. I should be swaying my dress like I am a butterfly but you know, the kinda extroverts who just aren't a narcissistic extrovert.

 
Every 'vert' has an adverb, maybe. For everyone.

 
I just hope I don't meet him.

I enter the creeking gate which feels as creepy as it looks. My heels are tapping on the ground like I own this venue, but who the hell chose this venue?

 
I had dreamt of maybe someday like this where I meet my besties and we are having a party, throwing up, it doesn't sounds real, right? Well, definitely not to me.
As I make my way through the little path which seems to be leaning over the grasses on both of its sides, I open the final door to the faces of the people I am seeing for the last time. I wish I never meet them again.
Just, not again.
And never him especially.

 
There is a massive hoard of people hovering over the barbeques.

Hungry, aren't they?

I was about to move ahead when something stopped me. Not a hand, not a physical touch, not a reality. But the virtuality of the moment.
My spine shivers, my hands tremble, and I was about to fall headfirst if I hadn't turned just the moment around and leave out the door.
I saw someone. I saw him.

I close the door behind me quickly and start waking hastily to the other side of the mansion. Its dark, its gloomy, its chilling all of a sudden. My hands, my fingers are turning and twisting against and over themselves. It's a compulsive habit. No cure for sure.

I walk and jump over some steps to reach before I end on my knees by the weight of agony, in front of anyone who's outside in the garden around. I don't like to embarrass myself out of my misery. I don't want them to know what happened to me.

 
I crouch down on my haunches with my back sliding down the wall behind me, and still against my movement as I bury my head in my arms.

 
It's dark, it's gloomy but not chilling anymore. I am covered by the warmth within me. It's peaceful but painful too. It's silly but significant too. It's mine but not MINE anymore.

All these years and still this feeling. Still this depth and hollowness of something I could never cover up fully. My heart, it's not mine anymore. This pounces on me like a rain in the wind, slashing through all my scars and just like salt in the wound. Its burning like fire, but sober like the cold. I am never drunk, just drowned in this. This state, this place, this home, this feeling, it's not foreign, it's like I have inhabited it.
Just not adapted to it.

I have become like that snowball. I am frozen all the time, just melt when I find warmth but disappear when the warmth turns into fire. I do return like rain, but at what cost? After being held together for evermore and then when its time, when it gets heavy, I fall and flow like I haven't filled those parts of me yet with those painful memories. My everything wants to remember him like he deserves every single part of it.
But the fact is, he doesn't.

I never knew my eyes could ever again perceive him like that 17 year old of him when we last met. I was 16 yeah, but caged while he was free. Just the similarity between us was the 'living'. I was walking to the door while keeping and repeating the phrase

 
'dont come across, don't react, don't look twice, don't fall, don't break'
But I do, everytime, I do.

 
And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I desperately want to turn everything into a hearty joke, but love is not a joke anymore, it's a pain in the ass and a page revised a million times.

His eyes pierced through mine like butter knife through cheese. Turned into a joke bro, didn't it? I swayed, I met, I came across and reacted, didn't I? I stayed, I tried, but fell apart and broke, but yeah just didn't look twice.

 
One stone unturned. Left a few crumbs.