The Loss

 

I woke up late in the morning to find shards of glass on the floor beside the bedpost. The shards were broken too, from inside, meaning that they have been hit to strongly to survive for long and indicating a growing indifference between my own parents.

I don’t want to pull open the door and witness a torn fabric out of the relation line joining them both, or hear them saying that “she is worthless!”

My fear and will, both combine with each other every morning something like this happens, but my will is weak and hence I let the fear overcome me and then I go back to sleep.

It is not that I can’t wake up early in the morning. It is just this burning desire and peace of mine that comes alive only when the sky is covered with a black blanket all over, preventing the disgusting sun rays from reaching me. The silence of the night speak to me as if I am their child and tells me that it is not too late to be brand new or invent something that hasn’t been there before. And most of all, I tell myself that it is all going to be okay.

My mother defends me from the devil every day, but the caliber falls apart when they come on the topic of my academic achievement.

Many students are not able to achieve things at a young age and I am one of the many students. Does this make my existence worthless?

I don’t question much their accuses, and continue my day like this for the rest of the 14 years of my life. I reach out to the aura of this world after hitting 18, acquire a part-time job and live my life the way I wanted to as always, in peace.

Away from their quarrels, away from their fake dreams, printed on their minds when I was born.

I run away.

And now that I am a grown up, I believe in the thought that if one person can destroy your everything, you can gather it all to make a castle which is bulletproof of their arrows.

I build my dream into reality which I had seen as a young girl, standing in the parking lot, weakening my muffled cries to not let anyone else hear what goes on in my household. I stood there while the last light in the street goes off and the darkness holds over the last piece of the glimmer.

Hitting the cold winds of the icy winter, I make my way to the exit of the lot thinking nothing except the ease of the moonshine over the blackened roads. Everything goes silent as ironic to the moment when people are crowded over bidding for the cheapest artifacts.

I crouch down in one corner as if to not let anyone get annoyed of my presence, but there is no one to see me too. I stare at the moon for hours till I realize what I should do. I know a 14 year old cannot bring great changes in this world but I believe that even if I can change that slightest percent possible, I will.

That was when I walk down the aisle, never looking back for what is more to suffer or release in that house again where some people are ashamed of their own blood. I walk as if I have not a care that I have a family or even a house to live in.

I look to my right and then left for signs of a life but the street is as dead as the heart inside me. To get lost and never be found again is a common thing but to get lost and do something that your own people come to find you is a thing of power. I never read this from life; I read this from books and looked for examples in the reality. And the reality carves out to be just the same.

I took to jobs of 7 to 10, earned money and did just the same what my mind told me to. Even with a dead heart inside I never left myself alone to wander off and then get hit by a car one day and die. This is a life not a game. Heart may be a lot more overpowering but a stable mind overrules anything.

My loss in life maybe the fact that I lost my parents or else people may think so. But I think that was the start of my very beloved freedom.