mom

 My raw sleep was broken by a call at 0044.

I picked it up when I saw it was my sister and she said "put it on speaker, I wanna say something to mom". I did as she said and then she screamed out from the other side-"Happy birthday Mom!". 

The sudden realization that I forgot it was mom's birthday was agonizing. I wished her too after my sister in a sleepy voice that sounded almost dead. My mother repaid as the thankyous' and then slept.

I woke up late the next morning. Actually I did at 0830 but you know, early is never enough for a mother. My mood was very much dejected and there was nothing I think I could do to make it better. I did my studies the whole day, and slept in the evening due to a heavy headache.

In the evening, when I woke up, I sat with mother and stared in her listless eyes. Mother was also not doing anything at that time so it was a time meant for this moment. Staring deep into her eyes I always try to find what is that thing which makes her so special for me. So special, this word 'mother'. 

But everytime it only appears to me as being between dark and light brown colored, and shaded, filled.

Filled with what? I always wonder.

But then mother, out of the blue, said this- "let's do this with father too. On 4 april at midnight, we will message at 0012 and will delete it later, indicating that we remember, but we dont care."

My father always does this, like wishing and not wishing and just forgetting then remembering, but then again acting like he doesn't remembers which takes the pill to be swallowed that he doesn't care.

We have already lost this hope of getting a wish from him since a long lost time. I don't care too.

Then I asked Mother that does she remembers her birthday everytime? And she replied with a "Yes! I do. Who doesn't? Getting older doesn't means you should throw out the thrill of having fun on your birthday. Age is just a step you take ahead, completing and surviving a year you never agreed for, but still you got it."

"I also ordered a saree from meesho. I hoped it came early so that I could wear it today. Anyways."

The sudden realizations never stop taking a hold on me. It occurred to my mind that mom had ordered that dress for herself as a birthday gift because she knew that no one was going to gift her anything. I was busy in the preparations of my coming exams, father never gifted her anything by himself, and relatives were a talk of what to eat in the afternoon.

I got to know what was the thing which made moms so special. This desire, this crave for something good but never getting it, this wish that had wings to fly but were flapping in a cage, and the moments to endure but nowhere to keep it. 

I realized what made moms THE MOMS. Everything they ever wished was everything they ever wanted, and nothing more. They could get it by themselves in a quiet way, hidden from the world, hidden from their known-ones.

They were complete in themselves. Enjoying in the secrecy, dancing lonely in the silent twilight. Complete from within.